What is Support?
Depending on your circumstances and the type of support you need, that answer will be different for everyone.
The definition that I found, courtesy of Google.com was, “give assistance to or enable to function or act”. Next, we need to determine what it means to function.
Let’s be real a lot of us aren’t functioning at our full potential because we lack the support needed to thrive. Support is also strongly associated with money or material needs.
Function is an activity or purpose natural to or intended for a person.
So basically, in this context support is the assistance you need in order for you to live your life.
Accustomed to ‘The Struggle'
The issue is the Supporters, only want to help you on their terms, according to their plan for life and that is where we fall short as a community. This is why support is subjective, only you know where you are going and what you need to get there.
If you have grown accustomed to struggling and being unsupported, that keeps you from dreaming, from asking for help and from receiving help. It can impact your sense of worth and keep you stuck in life. I know because that is something that I have struggled with for a long time, and to be honest it’s something that I am dealing with now.
As a Mother, it is not easy being a full-time business owner without support. I’ve had to cancel events and appointments. It’s not good business, to be inconsistent, but this is what I am dealing with right now.
I trust that it’s only temporary and Positive Forward Movement, LLC will continue to flourish no matter what.
Emotional Support is Great but Different
I hear my Goddess SiStar’s now like “girl, you have support”!!! I get it and I respect that, but to tell someone who fundamentally experiences unsupportive and unkind things, is like telling a depressed person to snap out of it.
We have to get to a place where it’s okay for people to express how they feel and what they are going through.
Having friends and emotional support is great and I am so grateful to the people in my life who help me and are there for me. But that still isn’t the only support I need or that you need.
Let’s stop saying “Well at least…” when it comes to someone not getting the support they receive.
Mental/Emotional wellness issues are usually trivialized and the impacts minimized because people independent of you can’t feel or understand the impact it has on you.
Yes, it is beneficial to point out the ways that you are supported, but let’s allow people to unpack the things they have been stuffing in before invalidating them.
Not having support is hard! It puts you into a mode of grief, longing, and even desperation as you are grasping for understanding and help. So what I won’t say is well at least you have something, I will say that I understand you and it sucks when you can’t get the help you need.
The Help You Need is the HELP YOU NEED
Minimal help is help, but the question is ‘Is it really helping’?
There was a pic floating around the internet of a person in a pit. Someone was at the top reaching for them. Extending their hand in to help them up. That wasn’t working because the pit was deep. The person in the pit couldn’t see it, but next to their helping friend was a ladder.
Helping people has become so conditional. I’ll help you but, you have to play by my rules, do what I say, live how I desire you to live. Giving should always come from a place of love. What I am seeing are people who are starving for a sense of control or are fearful of you outshining them. Either way, to limit or even deny someone the access to the resources they need to thrive, hurts us all.
I don’t talk a lot about politics here, but current leadership models behaviors that have been seen in many communities and households for generations. It feels almost like a collective shadow has gathered to force eyes to open and minds to expand. We have cruel, dictators, selfish, and hateful people right in our own family.
Supporting yourself isn’t easy, I’ve done it, I am doing it and I will continue to if that is the only way to get closer to my dream.
From Helpless to Supported
Here are a few tips to help you shift from Helpless to Resourceful –
1. Make a decision and commitment to yourself of who you want to be and what you want to accomplish.
2. Know who your emotional support system is. These are your friends who will help you stay motivated and share other great information that will keep you on the right path.
3. Get away from the unsupportive people as soon as possible. Chances are if they aren’t supporting you they are poisoning you, instilling fear, doubt, and lack into you. That is the last thing you need. Limit time and energy spent with people who don’t believe in you.
4. Know the kind of help that you need. List all the things you need to make it happen
5. Research possible avenues for the help that you need.
6. This is a BIG One: Tell people! Ask For Help! Accept the Help When it Comes.
7. Don’t ever give up on yourself or your dreams
8. Make an ongoing list of support that you receive, any money you get, people who help you, things you are grateful for, things you’ve accomplished, and affirmations
9. Affirm daily that you are fully supported
10. Another BIG ONE: Make self-care a priority
If you are looking for a support group, join me in the Spiritual Love Circle. It’s a free digital group where you can share and be supported. Make sure you answer the questions, otherwise you won't be able to get in.